Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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