When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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