guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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