Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
