my being single is dangerous.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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