Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
