You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My balls are so social today.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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