well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
