I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
