You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
