So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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