I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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