Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
