its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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