i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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