so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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