Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
