I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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