True but thats because hes a fetus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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