My liver just broke up with me...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's just like the Real World with babies
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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