I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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