I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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