This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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