you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
