I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
