Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize