I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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