he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
