the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
