I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
