you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
