she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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