forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
