Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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