I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
