worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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