we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
