If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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