Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
