haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize