I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
