My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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