Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
