I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
