Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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