Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
