If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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