Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
