I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
