Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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