So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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