She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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