tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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