It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The Olympian is in my bed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
