Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
