Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
