Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize