help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
