i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
