i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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