i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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