I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
