KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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