My nipple is on Facebook.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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