I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
