Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
