Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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