I don't think brook has ever known best
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
