Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
