If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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