I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
